On Nice Pocket Friends

I've been hesitant to respond to comments (or even post) since my post before last where I talk about food and eating and how I just don't feel like myself.  Thank you, everyone, for your nice words and you all are lovely and I wish you could come over for champagne.  I have VERY nice pocket friends and VERY nice out-of-pocket friends and I am a lucky, loved girl.


1. New realization: good intentions don't really matter if you don't DO THE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO.

Ok, so this is kind of a dumb statement. I get it. Not Earth shattering. It's another variation of needing to get organized and remembering the things that I want to do, the things that are REALLY important to me that I, I don't know, push further and further down my to-do list.  Actually, THAT'S the problem.  I don't HAVE a to-do list.  I get these ideas and I'm excited about them and I start on Step 1 of 5.  But then shit stays at Step 2 for an ungodly amount of time until I REMEMBER and THEN it happens.  New idea (which I'm CLEARLY the FIRST PERSON IN HISTORY TO HAVE): WRITE THINGS DOWN. FORCE YOURSELF.

This doesn't happen at work. I don't miss things and I'm actually (annoyingly) the kind of person who is frustrated if OTHER people miss things.  Certainly, when someone is PAYING you MONEY to follow through on a set list of tasks, most people are going to do that. (Surprisingly, not all! It's shocking!)  But at work, I always know what I'm supposed to be doing and when it's supposed to be done and I work well under those conditions. Make a to-do list, SELF. THIS IS SIMPLE. GEEZ.

2. I am terrified of goats.

Several years ago, when my boyfriend and I had just started dating, we were talking on the phone late at night.  I guess he didn't know about this goat fear of mine and we started talking about it and I'm like "LOOK. Goats. They are TERRIFYING." As someone who grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, who HAD goats and thinks baby goats are some of the cutest creatures EVER, well.  Let's just say he didn't understand.  "Goats are great!  They climb EVERYWHERE and they eat things and they're really nice! They're just goats! What kind of person is scared of goats?"


So, to bolster my argument surrounding goats and their sheer horror, I told him that they have scary devil eyes.  And, although he wasn't in the room or even within a 30 mile radius, I decided to Google image search "goat eyes." Because I am clearly not smart and ALSO, I must have FORGOTTEN how the internet WORKS. YOU probably know what happens when you Google image search "goat eyes" because you're an intelligent person who knows that you're just going to have about TWENTY GOAT EYES STARING AT YOU FROM A LUMINESCENT SCREEN.

About this time, I notice that someone is shining a flashlight into my window.  I was renting a house with my best friends and their two babies at the time (long story involving an under-water townhouse and a fast adoption) and despite the crowd, I was still my regular paranoid self.  Our back yard kind of backed up against the neighbor's yard and they had dogs (well, we ALSO had dogs) and I'm thinking it's the guy next door looking for poop/raccoons/runaway pets.  But it keeps happening and, given the fact that an entire goat farm just climbed through my computer screen and violated me with their square beady pupils, I GET SCARED.  ANYTHING COULD BE HAPPENING.  UFO? SERIAL KILLER WITH BAD FLASHLIGHT SKILLS? OFFENDED GOATS?

If you don't agree that I had every right to be completely and OUTRAGEOUSLY terrified, well, I just don't understand your nonchalance.  I'm still on the phone and Kevin is saying "go to the window and LOOK, I'm sure it's NOTHING", but I've watched enough Law and Order to know that the people who go to the window either get killed first or see things that they don't want to see that THEN makes them the NEXT person to get killed somewhere down the line.  Someone who is 30 miles away who IS NOT SEEING THE FLASHLIGHT IN MY ROOM isn't helping me and the house is SILENT and no one else knows about the murderer/goat hoard/aliens and so I get OFF the phone ("yawn, it's SO late, I'm just GOING TO GO TO BED, night night now, NO BIGGIE.") and decide that I will SLEEP ON THE COUCH because THAT IS SAFE. (This is poor thinking, I know.)

I'm laying on this cold leather couch, stiff as board just WAITING and the damn cat won't shut up and he comes over and tries to lay RIGHT on my CHEST and I'm convinced that this cat (who is old with no teeth and who doesn't like to cuddle) is having some sixth sense about the criminal danger that we are both in when there is a HUGE crash and a deep rumble and the house shakes and then rain starts falling in bucket-sized drops.

And that is how I learn that lightening storms sometimes disguise themselves as serial killer with a flashlight.


Still on New Orleans shots from the Garden District.  (Jess- I can't wait to see if you have something similar!!)



One thought on “On Nice Pocket Friends

  1. I likely didn’t comment on that post because commenting was horribly difficult from mobile apps but ALL THAT HAS CHANGED AND I’M A COMMENTING FOOL THESE DAYS. But you, my dear, are gorgeous. I know that it’s always about self image and one may have a warped inner mirror, but you are bubbly and fun and GORGEOUS. In case you didn’t know, I’m telling you.
    Also, I am indifferent to goats but my younger son cannot get enough of those things. Also, in my travels I have taken a few pictures of humping goats. I will find these photos for you, so you can laugh at creepy devil humping goats. Because that’s how much I care.

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